so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
