You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
