Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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