guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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