I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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