you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
operation harelip BJ is a go
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize