what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
