I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize