If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
