farters have to be the big spoon...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
