Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
