Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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