great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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