We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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