He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
