5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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