i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
