I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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