Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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