An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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