Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
