We got so high we made milksteak
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
