It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
