I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
