her vagina looked like bernie madoff
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
