hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
operation harelip BJ is a go
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
