Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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