it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
