Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize