i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
