Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
