i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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