shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
