In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
