so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
