I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
