3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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