Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
