This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
