Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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