I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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