i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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