Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
