I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
