I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
In America we eat man semen.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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