He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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