so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
