just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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