I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
