I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
