Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
