Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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