We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He felt like a one man threesome
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
