my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Houston, we have a squirter
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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