the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My vagina is officially offended.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
