Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
