Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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