I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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