I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
