Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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