If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
