I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
