I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i think my cat just said my name.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
