Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
