No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
