btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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