I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he puts the penis in happiness.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
