marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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