his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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